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Things That Are Funnier Than They Ought to Be, This Week
"So, I want a great big roast that I'm going to dry-age in my refrigerator*, then sear on all sides and roast to pink perfection. What cut would you recommend for this treatment?"
I am at my local high-end grocery store, what has the real meat counter. It's slow right now, and two meatmongers, call them Alan and Bob, are behind the counter.
Alan: "Oh, well, we like the Sirloin Tip and the Cross-Rib SHoulder. Those have good prices--$4.99/lb--and good size."
They also have bottom round, standing rib, and eye round roasts. The roast is for this weekend's Odin Party, so obviously, I want to have a word about that eye round... "Those eye rounds, how would they do? It doesn't look like it'd be big enough."
Alan: "Oh, those are only three, four pounds."
lwood: "Yeah, I'm going to need about nine pounds, it's a big party."
Alan: "You'd need two eyes, then."
Bob: "I got two eyes."
Alan: "Really? Do they both work?"
Bob: "Oh, yeah. All twenty-twenty over here, man."
I want you all to know it was only by a heroic effort of self-control that I did not break out into inappropriately large gales of laughter that I would then have to explain.
Meanwhile, a gent of my acquaintance was discussing Odin with me. As long as we're making up alphabetical names, call him Carl:
Carl: I get the whole - "Luke, turn away from the Dark Side" thing from everyone
lwood: Only because you haven't talked to the scary Odin kids, who of course say, "Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies."
Carl: Except you're not all that scary.
-- Lorrie, Not Scary. Want a cookie?
* - As done in The Finest Restaurants, this is basically letting your beef sit around in refrigerated air for four days so that, yes, it starts breaking down (OMGs!). While this results in more tender and flavorful meat, this still seems Wrong to some inner hygiene freak of mine, who is going to have a lie-down until Saturday. It's also pretty safe: the outer layer dries up and is sliced off, and the new outer layer gets seared with high heat. Still freaked? Then don't eat it--more for ME.
I am at my local high-end grocery store, what has the real meat counter. It's slow right now, and two meatmongers, call them Alan and Bob, are behind the counter.
Alan: "Oh, well, we like the Sirloin Tip and the Cross-Rib SHoulder. Those have good prices--$4.99/lb--and good size."
They also have bottom round, standing rib, and eye round roasts. The roast is for this weekend's Odin Party, so obviously, I want to have a word about that eye round... "Those eye rounds, how would they do? It doesn't look like it'd be big enough."
Alan: "Oh, those are only three, four pounds."
lwood: "Yeah, I'm going to need about nine pounds, it's a big party."
Alan: "You'd need two eyes, then."
Bob: "I got two eyes."
Alan: "Really? Do they both work?"
Bob: "Oh, yeah. All twenty-twenty over here, man."
I want you all to know it was only by a heroic effort of self-control that I did not break out into inappropriately large gales of laughter that I would then have to explain.
Meanwhile, a gent of my acquaintance was discussing Odin with me. As long as we're making up alphabetical names, call him Carl:
Carl: I get the whole - "Luke, turn away from the Dark Side" thing from everyone
lwood: Only because you haven't talked to the scary Odin kids, who of course say, "Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies."
Carl: Except you're not all that scary.
-- Lorrie, Not Scary. Want a cookie?
* - As done in The Finest Restaurants, this is basically letting your beef sit around in refrigerated air for four days so that, yes, it starts breaking down (OMGs!). While this results in more tender and flavorful meat, this still seems Wrong to some inner hygiene freak of mine, who is going to have a lie-down until Saturday. It's also pretty safe: the outer layer dries up and is sliced off, and the new outer layer gets seared with high heat. Still freaked? Then don't eat it--more for ME.
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-- Lorrie
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Heathen.
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To say nothing of the raw eggnog!
You'll never catch me, coppers!
Heathen.
Well, duuuuuuuuh!
-- Lorrie, Strengthening Immune Systems with Exercise since 1974
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*busily cleans the remnants of my coffe mug off of the computer screen*
Can I steal that last quote? *Grin*
Have fun at the party. Wish we could make it this year(Dan's *really* feeling the lack of woo over here these days).
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Dude, that's old.
So, yeah. 8-)
Thanks for thinking of us!
-- Lorrie
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-- Lorrie
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mmm, senior moment.
-- L
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-shanta
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Right. Only reason I went through with it on a test run.
BUT IT WAS GOOOOOD.
Good job on the whole not laughing out loud thing. I would have been giggling for sure.
I giggled a little, because that was in keeping with how they were joshing around--it was ROFLMAO that would have been out of scope. 8-)
-- Lorrie
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However, it's poor form to me to look overly nutso, so I try to avoid it--especially in my own neighborhood.
-- Lorrie
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--Ember--
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And I know AB's a hygiene freak--but it's still wrong!
-- Lorrie
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Me: Do you have any pork chops with crackling?
Butcher: No, you only get crackling off a pig.
[pause while I think about this]
Me: I didn't want a pork chop from a cow...
Re. 'ageing' meat: It used to be the standard thing in the UK that bovinoid meat (cow, deer, ox) would be 'hung' in a cold basement for a week or more to age, so that the meat starts to break down and gains flavour and self-tenderises. This is now not allowed in the UK for hygeine reasons (because some places aren't clean enough, no one is allowed to do it), but if the place it's done is kept clean there is no problem (in particular, making sure any blood which drips out is cleaned up quickly and not left there and that there are no flies).
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"Right, that's why I said I wanted cracklings, not suet!"
Re: Aging meat in the UK:
Right, and I'm familiar with the practice of hanging a game bird by the neck until it falls so you know it's ready to pluck. A lot of restaurants in the US as proud of their dry-aged beef, and indeed this page (http://www.askthemeatman.com/dry_aged_beef.htm) suggests 10-28 days (aie!). Cooks' Illustrated (http://www.cooksillustrated.com/) recommended four, so that's what I'm doing here.
-- Lorrie
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Yeah, Cooks' Illustrated says to put the roast on a rack (for airflow) the rack on a paper towel-covered dish (to absorb drips).
So that's covered. 8-)
-- Lorrie
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YUM!!!
>>>this is basically letting your beef sit around in refrigerated air for four days so that, yes, it starts breaking down (OMGs!). While this results in more tender and flavorful meat, this still seems Wrong to some inner hygiene freak of mine<<<
Y'know, Alton swears by it! How could it be wrong?
I love Alton.
I love roasted meat.
I am jealous!
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I love Alton.
I love roasted meat.
I am jealous!
And! This Feast of Flesh will be attended by some of my favorite people doing one of my favorite things and talking about one of my favorite gods.
This? Kicks As.
-- Lorrie
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Alton also like smaller martinis. :)
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-- Lorrie
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But a subscription to the website gets you the entire backstock, and that, too, is Good, as How to Roast Cheap Beef is from 1996. 8-)
-- Lorrie
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Housemate does not like the beef.
Housemate is also landlady, and owns the fridge.
Alas. It is to archive for Future Reference. But the date is well noted, with gratitude and Stuff, and Things, and so on, and so forth, world without end, ~gema.
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Well, okay, not so much, I was kind of on an Old Testament roll. You know how it is.
Hi! Do I know you?
-- Lorrie
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I'm a friend of
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And I see we have some other friends in common--a good selection. I shall friend you back posthaste.
-- Lorrie
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-- Lorrie
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(That many of us would know what to do with an Alton full of vodka is left as an exercise to the reader, best ignored by his wife.)
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No, you're quite right.
Vodka might lead to dancing. Best leave it be.
That many of us would know what to do with an Alton full of vodka is left as an exercise to the reader, best ignored by his wife.
Just so!
-- Lorrie
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(In other words: I smell Willow Creek Association.)
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You smell squidgy, half-rotted wicker with an overtone of aspirin?
-- Lorrie
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-- Lorrie