Things That Are Funnier Than They Ought to Be, This Week

[lwood]

"So, I want a great big roast that I'm going to dry-age in my refrigerator^*, then sear on all sides and roast to pink perfection. What cut would you recommend for this treatment?"

I am at my local high-end grocery store, what has the real meat counter. It's slow right now, and two meatmongers, call them Alan and Bob, are behind the counter.

Alan: "Oh, well, we like the Sirloin Tip and the Cross-Rib SHoulder. Those have good prices--$4.99/lb--and good size."

They also have bottom round, standing rib, and eye round roasts. The roast is for this weekend's Odin Party, so obviously, I want to have a word about that eye round... "Those eye rounds, how would they do? It doesn't look like it'd be big enough."

Alan: "Oh, those are only three, four pounds."

lwood: "Yeah, I'm going to need about nine pounds, it's a big party."

Alan: "You'd need two eyes, then."

Bob: "I got two eyes."

Alan: "Really? Do they both work?"

Bob: "Oh, yeah. All twenty-twenty over here, man."

I want you all to know it was only by a heroic effort of self-control that I did not break out into inappropriately large gales of laughter that I would then have to explain.

---

Meanwhile, a gent of my acquaintance was discussing Odin with me. As long as we're making up alphabetical names, call him Carl:

Carl: I get the whole - "Luke, turn away from the Dark Side" thing from everyone

lwood: Only because you haven't talked to the scary Odin kids, who of course say, "Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies."

Carl: Except you're not all that scary.

-- Lorrie, Not Scary. Want a cookie?

^* - As done in The Finest Restaurants, this is basically letting your beef sit around in refrigerated air for four days so that, yes, it starts breaking down (OMGs!). While this results in more tender and flavorful meat, this still seems Wrong to some inner hygiene freak of mine, who is going to have a lie-down until Saturday. It's also pretty safe: the outer layer dries up and is sliced off, and the new outer layer gets seared with high heat. Still freaked? Then don't eat it--more for ME.

Comments

[dasubergeek.livejournal.com]

I routinely make sauerbraten and leave it in its marinade in the fridge for the better part of the week.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Oh, no brine. No marinade. Strictly bareback.

-- Lorrie

[dasubergeek.livejournal.com]

I'm calling the Food Police on you. Next thing I know you'll be wanting to eat cheese made from unpasteurised milk, as though it tasted better or something.

Heathen.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

I'm calling the Food Police on you. Next thing I know you'll be wanting to eat cheese made from unpasteurised milk, as though it tasted better or something.

To say nothing of the raw eggnog!

You'll never catch me, coppers!

Heathen.

Well, duuuuuuuuh!

-- Lorrie, Strengthening Immune Systems with Exercise since 1974

[faeryl.livejournal.com]

>Only because you haven't talked to the scary Odin kids, who of course say, "Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies."

*busily cleans the remnants of my coffe mug off of the computer screen*

Can I steal that last quote? *Grin*

Have fun at the party. Wish we could make it this year(Dan's *really* feeling the lack of woo over here these days).

[lwood.livejournal.com]

"Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies?"

Dude, that's old. grendel_todd has a t-shirt with that on it that I think is older than all of his children--although the phrase has retained its staying power in Star Wars fandom, as I was familiar with it before I saw the shirt.

So, yeah. 8-)

Thanks for thinking of us!

-- Lorrie

[witchchild]

Yessssssss? ;)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Old cliche, dude--grendel_todd has a t-shirt with that on it that is older than his kids. 8-)

-- Lorrie

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Wait, I said that.

mmm, senior moment.

-- L

[shantak.livejournal.com]

If AB, who is most assuredly a hygiene freak, recommends this method of preparing a roast I see no problem with it. If, of course, one's fridge is cold enough etc. Good job on the whole not laughing out loud thing. I would have been giggling for sure.

-shanta

[lwood.livejournal.com]

If AB, who is most assuredly a hygiene freak, recommends this method of preparing a roast I see no problem with it.

Right. Only reason I went through with it on a test run.

BUT IT WAS GOOOOOD.

Good job on the whole not laughing out loud thing. I would have been giggling for sure.

I giggled a little, because that was in keeping with how they were joshing around--it was ROFLMAO that would have been out of scope. 8-)

-- Lorrie

[lastwaykeeper.livejournal.com]

What? You think Odin doesn't appreciate irony? :P

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Oh, he does. He totally does.

However, it's poor form to me to look overly nutso, so I try to avoid it--especially in my own neighborhood.

-- Lorrie

[emberleo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what would concern me isn't the temperature, or even the open air, but the cleanliness of the fridge. If yer fridge is reasonably clean, and there aren't any scary experiments living in it, why would there be a problem? Other not-spoiled food in the same box? Oh NOES!

--Ember--

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. Before I did this the first time, I took every shelf and drawer from the fridge and washed them all down. Not enough schmutz had built up in the interim for me to feel I needed to do that again here.

And I know AB's a hygiene freak--but it's still wrong!

-- Lorrie

[keristor.livejournal.com]

Butchers are all mad, or at least getting that way. My favourite was:

Me: Do you have any pork chops with crackling?
Butcher: No, you only get crackling off a pig.
[pause while I think about this]
Me: I didn't want a pork chop from a cow...

Re. 'ageing' meat: It used to be the standard thing in the UK that bovinoid meat (cow, deer, ox) would be 'hung' in a cold basement for a week or more to age, so that the meat starts to break down and gains flavour and self-tenderises. This is now not allowed in the UK for hygeine reasons (because some places aren't clean enough, no one is allowed to do it), but if the place it's done is kept clean there is no problem (in particular, making sure any blood which drips out is cleaned up quickly and not left there and that there are no flies).

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Me: I didn't want a pork chop from a cow...

"Right, that's why I said I wanted cracklings, not suet!"

Re: Aging meat in the UK:

Right, and I'm familiar with the practice of hanging a game bird by the neck until it falls so you know it's ready to pluck. A lot of restaurants in the US as proud of their dry-aged beef, and indeed this page (http://www.askthemeatman.com/dry_aged_beef.htm) suggests 10-28 days (aie!). Cooks' Illustrated (http://www.cooksillustrated.com/) recommended four, so that's what I'm doing here.

-- Lorrie

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Re: Drippies

Yeah, Cooks' Illustrated says to put the roast on a rack (for airflow) the rack on a paper towel-covered dish (to absorb drips).

So that's covered. 8-)

-- Lorrie

[entipy.livejournal.com]

>>>"So, I want a great big roast that I'm going to dry-age in my refrigerator*, then sear on all sides and roast to pink perfection..."<<<

YUM!!!

>>>this is basically letting your beef sit around in refrigerated air for four days so that, yes, it starts breaking down (OMGs!). While this results in more tender and flavorful meat, this still seems Wrong to some inner hygiene freak of mine<<<

Y'know, Alton swears by it! How could it be wrong?

I love Alton.

I love roasted meat.

I am jealous!

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Y'know, Alton swears by it! How could it be wrong?

I love Alton.

I love roasted meat.

I am jealous!

And! This Feast of Flesh will be attended by some of my favorite people doing one of my favorite things and talking about one of my favorite gods.

This? Kicks As.

-- Lorrie

[entipy.livejournal.com]

YAY! I hope y'all have the best of times. ;)

[wednesday]

Y'know, Alton swears by it! How could it be wrong?

Alton also like smaller martinis. :)

[wednesday]

(But the roast is correct, yes.)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Well, I first learned of dry ageing from Alton, but I must confess that this particular method is coming out of Cooks' Illustrated, which is also Good for Foodies.

-- Lorrie

[wednesday]

Oh, you need not tell me twice of Cooks' Illustrated. This house has much of the material. We are food nerds here. :)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

And lo, it was good.

But a subscription to the website gets you the entire backstock, and that, too, is Good, as How to Roast Cheap Beef is from 1996. 8-)

-- Lorrie

[wednesday]

Housemate has that subscription. Lo.

Housemate does not like the beef.

Housemate is also landlady, and owns the fridge.

Alas. It is to archive for Future Reference. But the date is well noted, with gratitude and Stuff, and Things, and so on, and so forth, world without end, ~gema.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Yea and verily, there was weeping in the streets, and the people did garb themselves in sack-cloth, and there was much wailing, and tearing of hair, and rending of clothes, and gnashing of teeth.

Well, okay, not so much, I was kind of on an Old Testament roll. You know how it is.

Hi! Do I know you?

-- Lorrie

[wednesday]

I totally know how it is. Just got off the Chick Tract of the Bi-Month, in fact, so it's reinforced.

I'm a friend of ardaniel's. :)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

I'm a friend of ardaniel's. :)

And I see we have some other friends in common--a good selection. I shall friend you back posthaste.

-- Lorrie

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, he just needs more Icelandic vodka (http://www.reykavodka.com/) in his life. That'll larn 'im.

-- Lorrie

[wednesday]

I'm not entirely sure the Guideposts Magazine readership would know what to do with an Alton full of vodka.

(That many of us would know what to do with an Alton full of vodka is left as an exercise to the reader, best ignored by his wife.)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

The readers of Guideposts magazine are...er.

No, you're quite right.

Vodka might lead to dancing. Best leave it be.

That many of us would know what to do with an Alton full of vodka is left as an exercise to the reader, best ignored by his wife.

Just so!

-- Lorrie

[wednesday]

His article for Guideposts was a bit bolt-on No Dancing!, so I expect he's the kind of columnist who accepts the occasional Charleston. But no lambada.

(In other words: I smell Willow Creek Association.)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

(In other words: I smell Willow Creek Association.)

You smell squidgy, half-rotted wicker with an overtone of aspirin?

-- Lorrie

[ardgruntler.livejournal.com]

LOL! Now that's a funny story:>) It makes me think back to the fast and furious dodge into Chinatown while reciting part of Havamol with a Door County Wisconsin Dialect. Good times, good times:>)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

I aims to entertains. ;)

-- Lorrie