Things That Are Funnier Than They Ought to Be, This Week

[lwood]

"So, I want a great big roast that I'm going to dry-age in my refrigerator^*, then sear on all sides and roast to pink perfection. What cut would you recommend for this treatment?"

I am at my local high-end grocery store, what has the real meat counter. It's slow right now, and two meatmongers, call them Alan and Bob, are behind the counter.

Alan: "Oh, well, we like the Sirloin Tip and the Cross-Rib SHoulder. Those have good prices--$4.99/lb--and good size."

They also have bottom round, standing rib, and eye round roasts. The roast is for this weekend's Odin Party, so obviously, I want to have a word about that eye round... "Those eye rounds, how would they do? It doesn't look like it'd be big enough."

Alan: "Oh, those are only three, four pounds."

lwood: "Yeah, I'm going to need about nine pounds, it's a big party."

Alan: "You'd need two eyes, then."

Bob: "I got two eyes."

Alan: "Really? Do they both work?"

Bob: "Oh, yeah. All twenty-twenty over here, man."

I want you all to know it was only by a heroic effort of self-control that I did not break out into inappropriately large gales of laughter that I would then have to explain.

---

Meanwhile, a gent of my acquaintance was discussing Odin with me. As long as we're making up alphabetical names, call him Carl:

Carl: I get the whole - "Luke, turn away from the Dark Side" thing from everyone

lwood: Only because you haven't talked to the scary Odin kids, who of course say, "Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies."

Carl: Except you're not all that scary.

-- Lorrie, Not Scary. Want a cookie?

^* - As done in The Finest Restaurants, this is basically letting your beef sit around in refrigerated air for four days so that, yes, it starts breaking down (OMGs!). While this results in more tender and flavorful meat, this still seems Wrong to some inner hygiene freak of mine, who is going to have a lie-down until Saturday. It's also pretty safe: the outer layer dries up and is sliced off, and the new outer layer gets seared with high heat. Still freaked? Then don't eat it--more for ME.

Comments

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Well, I first learned of dry ageing from Alton, but I must confess that this particular method is coming out of Cooks' Illustrated, which is also Good for Foodies.

-- Lorrie

[wednesday]

Oh, you need not tell me twice of Cooks' Illustrated. This house has much of the material. We are food nerds here. :)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

And lo, it was good.

But a subscription to the website gets you the entire backstock, and that, too, is Good, as How to Roast Cheap Beef is from 1996. 8-)

-- Lorrie

[wednesday]

Housemate has that subscription. Lo.

Housemate does not like the beef.

Housemate is also landlady, and owns the fridge.

Alas. It is to archive for Future Reference. But the date is well noted, with gratitude and Stuff, and Things, and so on, and so forth, world without end, ~gema.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Yea and verily, there was weeping in the streets, and the people did garb themselves in sack-cloth, and there was much wailing, and tearing of hair, and rending of clothes, and gnashing of teeth.

Well, okay, not so much, I was kind of on an Old Testament roll. You know how it is.

Hi! Do I know you?

-- Lorrie

[wednesday]

I totally know how it is. Just got off the Chick Tract of the Bi-Month, in fact, so it's reinforced.

I'm a friend of ardaniel's. :)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

I'm a friend of ardaniel's. :)

And I see we have some other friends in common--a good selection. I shall friend you back posthaste.

-- Lorrie