Open Letter to My Family: The Answer I Expected.

[lwood]

My family designated a person to write back to me. I knew better, but hoped to be wrong in that knowing. [Edit: Actually, this may be one member acting unilaterally. There's no way to tell for sure, but my father, at least, is usually smarter than this.]

She's not even a blood relative of mine, but an in-law, my middle brother's wife. I can't say I cared for her the only time I did meet her and, well, this really doesn't improve my opinion in the slightest.

As she says in the first paragraph that my family has taken it upon themselves to share my letter with their entire church, I see no reason not to return the favor, which is why this post has no lock, and I have similarly removed the locks from my previous posts.

You have all heard my side. This is theirs, at least that of my middle brother and sister-in-law, and their opinions are likely shared in large part by my father and stepmother. I know my youngest brother is more reasonable (see my last post), and I'm fairly sure my mother will be.

What my grandmother and aunts will think, say, or do, I cannot imagine.

-- Lorrie

---

Lorrie-

As we did you the courtesy of reading your entire letter, please do the same for us. For starters, we have shared this with our Church, and you are being prayed for daily. To the one true God, not made up myths or false gods. The Creator, who sent His son Jesus to die for our sins. The one you deny by worshiping false gods! Sharing such horrific news, totally contrary to your families' beliefs, you cannot seriously hope to build bridges or close the distance between you and the family, or help you 'be at ease'.

As closely as possible,we're going to address your letter by paragraph, in order. There was a definite sense, when we all gathered at Erwin and Connie's house that night, that something was very wrong, a wrong spirit coming from you. Now we know why. You have been deceived by Satan, although you can't see it.

You ARE Godless, as you are without God. It's certainly true that faith isn't limited to within Church walls, it's in our hearts and an intregal part of our lives , where the Holy Spirit lives. Please don't try to draw similarities between pagan rituals and Christian worship!

Nor is what you do a call to ministry. It is trying to draw others into false worship. Rocks and computers do NOT have souls, what a silly idea! Plants don't either, although they are alive, as they grow. God created them, but they don't have minds, and cannot, therefore, have souls. It most certainly IS right to call God who He is, Jehovah. He is NOT a 'source'! He is THE source, of all life, and He has given us the right to call on Him. Jesus, His son, said to pray only to God, and in Jesus' name. If God grants us that, no human can say that we cannot address Him. Our faith DOES have the whole truth-not because of what we say or do-but because God is truth, And to say that he cannot be everywhere at once is limiting God, which no human can do. No people who have died watch over us, the Bible, God's written word, says that the dead know nothing, and are 'asleep'. We don't know what you think is the experience of female ancestors vs. male ones, but none of them do anything. We can miss them, but they're dead and not involved in our lives. God is absolutely all-knowing,all-good, and all-powerful! We were both sickened to see you say otherwise, as it openly diminishes God, and puts Him down!His agenda? For all to know His son as Savior and Lord, and to live foreve with Him! And in no way do we want you praying for us in 'your way'! The only prayers we want are those of fellow Christians, who pray to God alone. Any other prayer is utter blaspheme!

Truth and wisdom are most definitley honorable , and found in God. He grants both to those who ernestly seek them from Him. Actions not only SEEM right or wrong, they usually are. God is the absolute source of good, and Satan of evil. We have free will to follow the path we choose, given to us by God, who wants us to come to Him in love. Yes, it is best, whenever possible to be polite, and Christian to do so, to be as much like Jesus as we possibly can. But if you claims to always do it, we say you're fibbing! And four hours drive? You were less than that when you came to Gainesville, but refused to come to our home. Something about being on vacation! And there was nothing polite about the way you dominated the conversation, and used profanity with no consideration of who might be offended, knowing you were doing it in a Christian home.

Other than taking care of our pets, relationships DO end with human beings, on Earth at least. There are no general spirits, gods other than God, or dead relatives to have a relationship with. And the Earth is NOT holy! Only God is, and while we are indeed to take care of and manage it, we do not belong to it, or come from it. That list of virtues almost (big stress on almost!) copies Christian values, with the exception of self-rule, self-reliance, and troth. God wants us to rely on Him, and trust our entire lives to Him, hence referring to Jesus as Lord.

Saying that the list does not limit behavior as much as the Commandments is implying that it is superior, which it most certainly is not! The Bible is much more than a beautiful piece of literature. You dare to reduce it to a mere book? There is a world of difference, literally, between God's word to us, and a piece of literature.

We are instructed to tithe, which is 10 percent of our income. Anything above that is an offering. Just exactly how does one go about sharing their cookies and milk with a 'spirit'? Just eat the thing! We don't have to leave part of our broccoli for God, He doesn't require our food! He wants our hearts, for us to live lives in obedience to Him.

Even if Frigga had been real, which she is not, she would have been a complete fool to always acccept her man back from skirtchasing. It also shows no wisdom at all for him to do as you claim he does. The God we worship is pure and righteous. He is never indiscreet! Thunder and lightning are weather, put in place by God and not produced by a fictional hammer. God also told the animals to be fruitful and multiply, and designed them to be so. No, Lorrie, if you believe in those false gods, and follow heathen worship ways, you do NOT truly believe in God. If you pray to anyone but Him, and do not follow His paths, He does not hear your prayers. His word says that He is a jealous God.

You will always be loved as family, but ungodly practices can never be accepted and/or condoned by those who know the truth. God's truth. And there is literally no way on God's earth to compare the joy of being saved by Jesus to what was in YOUR heart! It was not the same thing, in any way! You are, and apparently have been for a long time, going down the wrong path. We know that you have indeed broken Grandma Wood's heart. This burden should never have been laid on her. You had to know how it would hurt her, but you did it anyway, which is pure selfishness. Such terrible knowledge cannot build bridges, you simply cannot, and should not, expect Christians to be okay with this. God certainly isn't, and it is Him that we follow. This is not going to bring peace to the family, be assured. Grandma Wood has probably already cried her heart out, and cried out to God.

At the end of your letter, you said you welcomed our prayer and would pray for us as well. We WILL pray for you, to see the light. The light of God. Do NOT pray for us, and they will not be Godly prayers. They are Satanic in nature, and besides, it does no good to pray to something or someone that does not exist.

We also can't help wondering why you use your maiden name, despite having been married for many years. It says something about the marriage, possibly.

As far as not speaking to you, you are the one who doesn't respond! We sent you at least two e-mails, and neither was ever acknowledged in any way. That is rude! At least tell us to jump in a lake, but to ignore our letters is not 'polite' at all.

You probably won't have any inclination to answer this e-mail, either, as it is not a request to further understanding. We understand all too well. What you need to do is open the Bible and read of God's love for us, and design for our lives, for eternity. Jesus died a horrifying death for our sins, it blows our minds that anyone can turn their back on that, as you have. And yes, you have. Pain can only begin to describe what this letter will do to your family members. Thank God, literally, that Nana doesn't have to know of this. And our hearts go out to Grandma Wood, and others. The household of Erwin and Connie will be shaken, to be sure. And their prayers for you to be redeemed will be lifted to the one true God.

Praying for your salvation and repentance,
Will and Karen

Comments

[dansa.livejournal.com]

Sigh. That's...disappointing. I'm sorry. :(

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Yeah... me too. I'll address why it was unsurprising when I answer quirkwidget below.

Thank you.

-- Lorrie

[bergtagen.livejournal.com]

Oh honey... *hugs* Try to remember that this is only their opinion, as crushing and condemnatory as it is. You can't know what the others think until you've heard from them. It's horrible and painful to watch them damn you with their fear and intolerance, but at least you don't have to live in their narrow worldview. Try to remember too that there are people who know you and love you just as you are, flaws and freckles included. *more hugs*

[lwood.livejournal.com]

And the thing is? It's the brother I like least and his wife, who completely failed to impress me. I got the impression that she's one of those people who thinks they're smart.

I mean, I could write back a nice long letter that refuted several of her points with much scholarly fu, but that'd be casting pearls before swine while trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, or something. 8-P

-- Lorrie

[quirkwidget.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I can't quite fathom the place that this letter was written from, and I'm really sorry that this was the response you got to what you wrote. Reading this response, and knowing that it was more or less what you expected, gives me a whole new level of respect for your courage in writing what you did.

*hugs*
Laura

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

Someone asked me, after I wrote it, if I thought my family would reply negatively.

I answered like this:

If someone you loved was about to walk off a cliff, wouldn't you stop them from doing such an obvoiusly stupid and self-destructive thing?

This is exactly like that, only worse, because if I continue to insist that there's no cliff, I'll be damned for all time.

Frankly, I'd be more, but differently, hurt if there were no response at all... because it would mean they didn't care enough to try and stop me.

So, yeah, I expected this. *sigh*

*hugs*

-- Lorrie

[ardaniel]

*I'll* be in Florida next month.

*I'll* be happy to stop up Gainesville way and show the north central *idiots* a thing or two.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

You could always take some of Osprey Bay along for backup? Good folks. 8-)

Why Florida?

-- Lorrie

[apel.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry Lorrie. Even if this reaction was expected, it's disappointing. But at least you've been truthful and have communicated with them without judgement or laying blame.

In my experience, when a group responds to something, you really only get the response of the loudest members. So while some of the reaction comes from the whole of the family, the vehemence probably doesn't. Individual communications may show more openness and a more nuanced view of relgion.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Indeed. After a couple hours to get over the initial sadness, anger, shock, &c, I'm growing more sure that this initial response, at least, is more indicative of my brother and his wife than that entire branch of the clan.

After all, I know that my brother is in my corner, and my father, whatever his faults, is an intelligent man. I do not know what my grandmother will say, but that will hurt more than random poo flung by my brother's wife, whom I hardly know.

-- Lorrie

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

oh, ugh.

[hugs for you]

(but the self-contradiction is impressive, eh? "DON'T DO IT IT'S BAD BAD BAD! Besides which, it's not real, so it's pointless." erm ...)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

One among many. Like I said, she thinks she's smart...

I mean, I know more about the history of her faith than she does, but it's just not bloody worth it.

-- Lorrie

((((Lorrie))))

[bluedolfyn.livejournal.com]

I know you expected the worst and hoped for the best, and I'm just sorry :( However: their god ain't the only jealous god in the world, and you are where you belong, loved by people that love you back and know you aren't delusional, and loved by the gods themselves. Don't doubt that. ((((hugs))))

(And damn it, landwights love cookies!!)

Re: ((((Lorrie))))

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I know they do! They learned it from Yulfodr!

-- Lorrie

[witchchild]

*tries to put her fangs back in place*

I could also say something about self-righteousness not being very Christian, but as they'd never see it, there's no need. Not to mention the sharing of family business...

*hugs*

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I'm not ashamed that my letter is now up for public viewing -- I debated locking it in the first place, but decided to do so so that any one of them who happened to cruise it (unlikely) wouldn't get the jump.

Sharing her letter in return is, I admit, in part a troll for sympathy, because dammit-I-hurt. And, in another part, it's to return the favor of sharing mine with the whole church.

There's a whole lot unChristian about that letter. She must be very sinless indeed, to cast so many stones...

*hugs*

-- Lorrie

[walkyrja.livejournal.com]

Welladay.

First off, remember that your brother Mikey seemed to be more receptive, at least from what you said.

Second off, you like this woman and her husband least of all. So yes it certainly hurts, but how much does it matter, really?

Thirdly - I'd place a phone call to Granny Wood, and hear it from her myself, were I you. I don't like this woman's attempt to try and sever you from your grandmother by using your grandmother's emotions against you. We're hearing what *this woman* tells us, but that might, or might not, be what Granny Wood is actually saying/feeling/thinking.

Of course the heathen in me is tempted to reject their prayers for you as *just* as godless as they think ours are. But that would be snide at the least and an arrogance regarding my faith that is inappropriate. So instead, I will say this:

Ancestors of my friend, the family is being rent with strife. I ask you, please, to look upon your family, and see if you can return it to peace. Alfar and Disir of us all, and of Lorrie's family in particular, help to mend this rift so that this family can remain strong. Send understanding, and share your wisdom. Thank you.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

If you look at her writing, everything about Grandma is written in conditional language, which tells me that she, at least, has not yet spoken to her, and it's likely that none of them have.

I'm not going to contact any of them directly, at least not yet. I've said my piece, and it's up to them to choose to follow up on it, or not.

On the topic of their prayers, I figure Jesus knows where my paychecks are coming from these days, so anything directed at me through him I'm not stressing over.

Anything aimed at me directly... well, the base assertion is, in fact, aimed at my spiritual well-being. The rest is a compulsion, and if I can't dodge a simple damn mindwhammy, I'd better turn in my damn seidh staff!

I do thank you for your prayers...

-- Lorrie

[wodandis.livejournal.com]

*snarl*

She runs the gamut, here, from rudeness to ignorance to personal attacks, all the while accusing you of the same. Hon, I'm so sorry, and I'm more impressed than ever that you dared to do this, knowing that this would be the most likely response.

I will join you in praying for them, to hel with whether or not they want it. (If our Gods aren't real, why are they so afraid of having Them prayed to on their behalf?)

In the meantime, at least your younger brother supports you. You haven't heard from your grandmother yet, and she may be more understanding than Will and Karen seem to assume. And you haven't actually heard from your father or mother yet, so W&K are *not* the spokespersons for your entire family. I hope you get better responses from the others.

Remember that your friends and your Gods love you! ((((hugs))))

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*hugs* On further reflection, I don't think she's speaking for more than herself and my brother. My father's not stupid, and if he was just praising me for being independent in my beliefs, retaliating when I show faith in his trust in me is quite hypocritical... and he's rarely that.

I expect Mom to be somewhere between neutral and apathetic.

Grandma is the complete wildcard here.

*hugs* Thanks, that means a lot.

-- Lorrie

[saskia139.livejournal.com]

My impulse is to apologize for this piece of stupidity and cruelty on behalf of all Christians everywhere--and to throw in apologies for the Crusades, the inaction of the Church during the Holocaust, and a few other things, as well. But I'm not sure that would help.

Would it help if I say I think I have more in common with *you* than with them, Anglican as I am? I certainly don't believe Satan is the source of all evil--that's not Christianity, that's dualism, condemned as a heresy some sixteen hundred years ago. Nor is it Christianity to deputize the least likable member of the family to write a letter chastising the wayward child with threats of hell. In my opinion.

Anyway, here's a hug, and *I'm* praying for you, too. PS, I also think rocks have spirits. Call me a Christian animist.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*grin* Many people have done extremely stupid things in the names of their gods.

This letter is pretty low on the list!

Thank you, you're the second Christian to have said something supportive about me about the whole affair, the other being urbanbard, the seminarian I spoke of in my first letter.

Like I said in another comment, she must be awful sinless to throw so many stones!

*hugs!* As far as I'm concerned, I'm on reasonably good terms with Jesus. I could counter her on her own ground, quoting the Bible from here to breakfast, but it would do no good; her heart is hardened against me.

Casting pearls before swine while trying to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is like trying to teach a pig to sing.

Who wants barbecue?

-- Lorrie

[firehair28.livejournal.com]

That reply is... hateful and obscene.

that's the best way I can put it. The theological points aside, they take great pains to attempt to hurt and demean you, and prove that they are "better" than you.

It makes me very angry - if they cared for you at all, they would not write such foulness, such horrible things.... I am sorry such people are in your family. As someone else noted,though, I doubt their views are shared by everyone they supposedly "speak" for, or even ANYONE but themselves.

I suspect you'll get other, quieter communications through your brother once the idiots have been distracted elsewhere.

Stay strong, Lorrie. You're loved by many.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Hateful, obscene, small-minded, logically inconsistent, and poorly written!

Most of what I'd say to you I just said to others, particularly to walkyrja. You're right, of course, on reflection I think she's only talking for herself and my brother. As for their prayers, great! I'll take all the help I can get while setting shields to "dodge mindwhammies."

Thanks, Fi, everything helps...

-- Lorrie

[mephron]

Your sister-in-law strikes me as a self-righteous unmitigated ass who is, like so many, unable to accept others have acceptable POVs that do not agree with hers. Unfortunately, hers is filtered through her religion which means no soup for you.

Foolishness.

Just so I can add my voice of support to the clamouring chorale. ^_^

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear! Thank you for writing!

-- Lorrie

[erisiansaint]

I'd reply back, explaining that Jesus said that he who was without sin, etc., and that this is one of the most judgemental and anti-Christian things you've ever heard, that there was so little love in it, that it sounded more like the work of Satan to me, and have they thought of having the bad will and lack of love exorcised from her soul?

Either way, *hugs*, because you're worth far more than she is.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*snork* Wouldn't work.

Reminds me of that snip from the previews for Saved where the one girl throws a Bible at the other and screams, "I am filled with Christ's love!"

*hugs* Thank you for writing...

-- Lorrie

[tamyris.livejournal.com]

ah, Lorrie, I am so sorry. This is, sadly typical fundamentalist rhetoric and I'm sorry that they seem to have closed the doors of communication so vehemently. I would suggest setting up a ward to filter out their prayers. >_< My heart goes out to you with this...i've had similar missives from my own family. By and large some christians just cannot see outside of their own spiritual paradigm. Logic doesn't work. Arguing doesn't work. All you'll get is circular logic in return. While I"m sorry that you didn't have a healing response from them, I still think that you should celebrate your courage in choosing to write the letter in the first place. that was a bold and brave act, one that does honor to your Gods.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks for your words -- as for anything they send, well, let 'em. I figure that there are two components in any such:

1) A genuine concern for my well-being. Okay, I'll take what I can get there.

2) A "Come to Jesus" mindwhammy. That gets filtered, thanks. 8-P

-- Lorrie

[thorolf.livejournal.com]

Oy gevalt....

I've been meaning to post my own experiences in 'coming out' to my family on the Troth list, but it's a fairly long story and I just haven't had the time lately. Their responses were somewhat different than the letter that you received, but there were some similar themes (and in truth, I was braced for something like this from them).

I am really sorry that you're going through this - but keep in mind that you're most assuredly not alone. There's the family you're born into, and the family that you chose later on. Can't do much about the first group... Here's hoping that, as you say, "this may be one member acting unilaterally". From what you've said about this, it sounds like there are other family members whose minds are not so firmly closed. Best of luck to you with this project.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Actually, in the original letter, just a couple posts back, I do talk about kin of blood versus kin of intent.

My kin of intent... stand with me, and I am heartened and happy to hold here with them.

-- Lorrie

From a Friend of a Friend

[montuhotep.livejournal.com]

Lorrie

A mutual friend on LJ posted a link to your letter on her journal. I read it, and have a comment or two.

As a person who, 20 years ago, left a fundamentalist church (Jehovah's Witnesses) and had all ties to my family broken, I understand that it is a difficult thing to go to in the moment. Rejection, especially from people who should be supportive, is hurtful in any context. And your sister-in-law, who I get the sense sent this purely on her own and only as a 'self-appointed' family representative, is only venting her vile-filled spleen.

This is to be expected. Fear, abuse, and assault are the only things such persons have in their bag of tricks, because it is all that prevents them from seeing the truth of their own delusions. My suggestion to you, if you wish, is to write back thanking her for her concern but, as she is not a blood relative, her opinion is of little importance and you will wait for your family to speak for themselves, thank you very much.

You will have to face the possibility that this is break your ties to your family of origin. My own experience is that the family that I chose after the break is far more supportive and important and real than my birth family. We remain grateful to what they did to raise us, but we are our own person now, even as they are, and will make own own choices.

Build a family of choice, ignore your sister-in-law (or call her a repressed bitch to her face), and let everyone else in your family make their own choices.

My thoughts are with you

Gwydion

Re: From a Friend of a Friend

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for your well-considered and thoughtful words.

I knew well when I wrote the original letter that a break with my blood family was a likely outcome, at least with some of them. My knowledge was tempered by hope that reason and love would overcome anger and fear, at least in some quarters.

My knowledge won in one case, my hope in another, and I do not dare to try to see where it goes from here.

My family of choice? It is here, all around me! It's here in LiveJournal, it's in real life with my kindred and the rest of my community, it's all over the Internet, and so, around all the Earth. It is in other worlds, also, each of the other eight that hang on the tree of my cosmology, and the billion billion uncountable others.

But it's not my brother's wife.

-- Lorrie

[bojojohn.livejournal.com]

i was so saddened to read this. I know that you know that your FAMILY here supports you and loves you but I thought I would say it again.

I hope the rest of your actually-related kin are alittle more open that she is.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you!

My hopes have won one, my fears another. Who knows what the rest will say?

-- Lorrie

[hippediva.livejournal.com]

Oh luv, I am so sorry to have read this and my heart goes out to you. This is not any kind of Christian response. Apparently, there is a leak. Keep faith with yourself and your strength will be tenfold.

Of course, you could always blue pencil said piece of sad nonsense, but the joke would likely be wasted on such a small mind.

From a one half-Pagan couple (Sonny is the committed Wicaan and I'm the fence-sitting agnostic) to you, remember that these folk are so self-deluded, so completely oblivious to the most important commandment of all that it is clear this person hasn't the faintest clue what real charity means.

Don't let her step between your family and you. She hasn't the right to do that. Is she expecting an inheritance? I am so sorry and hope that you draw strength from your own faith and stand up in the face of her hateful words.

Much love from both of us.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

I do want to run through and blue pencil the thing (I'd already corrected a couple small problems between e-mail and LJ), but then it'd just go to angry red pen for things like, "CIRCULAR REASONING" and "INTERNALLY INCONSISTENT."

But you're also right in that it wouldn't do a damn bit of good. 8-P

-- Lorrie

[princeofjeru.livejournal.com]

Everyone else has said it better than I can. I just can't help thinking that this is not about your religion at all - they'd say the same if you were Jewish - it's about theirs.

[bant.livejournal.com]

Not necessarily. Of course there are extremests in every religion.

I'm sorry.

[malacat.livejournal.com]

That letter just radiates fear.

Re: I'm sorry.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Yep.

Thanks!

-- Lorrie

They make it awfully tempting to argue with

[jasperkitty.livejournal.com]

Let's face it, how can you be satanic if satan doesn't exist?

I'm sorry you got attacked so harshly by your relatives. It might be worth contacting your grandmother directly and possibly fowarding the letter on to her so she can see what's being posted in her name?

Hugs and lots of luck!

Re: They make it awfully tempting to argue with

[lwood.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to even try until another couple weeks have passed, which will give me a convenient holiday. Then I'm going to call her and talk about anything else.

I meant what I said in the original letter about not bringing this up again unless they were being civil about it!

-- Lorrie

[lysana.livejournal.com]

Wow. How sad. She just can't see the actual love Jesus taught. I'm very sorry you ended up receiving a dose of her bile. It's tragic, really.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Yep.

-- Lorrie

[rowanf.livejournal.com]

Oh my. I'm so sorry you have been subjected to this awful attack. I agree with many of the comments above. If Grandma Wood is the one who you really want dialog with, contacting her down the line seems like a good idea. I know that you will be nurtured by your true kin and the Gods. *hugs*

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you so much!

As I said to the last poster, I'm going to wait until the next convenient holiday and call, then see what happens.

-- Lorrie

[mendou.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can say that hasn't been already been said by all of the other people who love you.
When I pray I will ask that eventually your family will see you for who you are, their loving and respectful sister, daughter, and granddaughter. Bigotry through God is a sin.

M

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks...

-- Lorrie