Bardic Circles: When Pressed, Lorrie Can Emit Poetry

[lwood]

dpaxson is running all the Bardic Circles at Mythcon.

I don't have any poems on tap that I haven't used. Worse, even if I did, they're not in theme for a Mythcon. Worst, I would rather not do a thing in public if I do not think I can do it well, and I judge my poetic efforts to be mediocre at best, with no particular impetus for me to improve.

However, dpaxson has given me to understand that no, knitting appreciatively is not participation, even if the rule is technically "Pick, Pass, or Play" and not Greyhaven Rules (You Vill Participate in at Least One Round).

There is, I ween, an undercurrent of, "WTF kind of Oðinnsgyðja are you anyway, not writing poetry?"

Soooo I went home and wrote some. Apparently, it's easier to dash off more rather than ranting about how I can't find the other ones, and how even if I did they wouldn't be in-theme.

Well, as least these have the virtue of being short, and therefore there is not much one can say about them, good, bad, or indifferent.

---

A fine-downed feather fell to earth
Traced a trail across the asphalt.
Sky-Spear seeks her supper at Safeway:
Roof-rats' roosts are rarely restful.

Striding legs slid through the surface
Well-twined, the twinned wakes wove the water.
The steel snake slithered to a stop beside;
Scullers skim faster than stuck-fast traffic.

Cirdan's steeds still know
The Straight Way; their wakes are proof.
See? Herringbone clouds!

---

--a very vaguely connected set borne of my annoyance in the shower that the kind of criticism I really wanted was, "I rather liked how you tied in the similar imagery of the feather in stanza A with the waves in B and picked it up again with the clouds in C.

It would be hard to have any such criticism but that there actually were an A, B, and C through which to thread that imagery--and hey, I even got one to be on theme. Woohoo.

Now, how do I try a more structured form without the bitter, acrid smoke of burnt sonnet filling my third nostril's hindsmell?

-- Lorrie

Comments

[walkyrja.livejournal.com]

OK - given this:
A fine-downed feather fell to earth
Traced a trail across the asphalt.
Sky-Spear seeks her supper at Safeway:
Roof-rats' roosts are rarely restful.

I can tell you the first question in any poetry workshop would be: where is the speaker? It would be followed by who is the speaker? and probably summed up with you need a speaker.

For lo, this is how current modern poetry is going.

So consider a thing like this...

I watched a fine-downed feather
fall to earth, trace its trail
across the asphalt.

Sky-Spear seeks her supper,
this sunset, at Safeway:
I think roof-rats' roosts
are rarely restful.

It's all yours - I just added a first-person observational speaker and created sentences from your phrases. The line break I added as a means of delineating the images.

See?

[walkyrja.livejournal.com]

By "line break" I meant STANZA break. Line breaks I went with what felt right, and added my general rule of thumb: begin and end lines with strong words as opposed to connectors/articles/etc.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

First, thank you for actually saying something useful. I'll mull on it and probably put it to use.

Second, and this is a but:

For lo, this is how current modern poetry is going.

Er, yeah, but much of modern poetry strikes me as, well, laundry lists. I crave form and structure in poems, whether reading or writing. I find peace in well-laid patterns.

-- Lorrie

[murstein.livejournal.com]

Er, yeah, but much of modern poetry strikes me as, well, laundry lists.

And this differs from the bulk of, say, Vafthrudnismal, Grimnismal, or Alvissmal how? By being originally written in English in the 20th or 21st Century, as opposed to Old Norse or Old Icelandic, around the 10th or 11th Century? ;)

[emberleo.livejournal.com]

Hmm, if you *crave* structure, and enjoy music (as I know you do), perhaps you would take better to Rudyard Kipling's style? His poems are long, and structured. They tell stories about interesting but not superpowered people that anybody could know (at least in his time). And they have a rhythm that I find almost contaige...contagu... catching.

Here's an archive of almost all of his poetry

My favorites (Mostly thanks to Leslie Fish) include:

We and They
Natural Theology
Vampire
Tomlinson (Though this particular page is actually poorly formatted, I think.)
The Prodigal Son
The Hymn of Breaking Strain (From a different site)
And, of course, the ever-popular The Female of the Species

Of course, for all I know you already know and love or hate Kipling's poetry. But there you go.

--Ember--

[emberleo.livejournal.com]

Natch, the link from a different site would break. *sigh*

Try this for The Hymn of Breaking Strain

--Ember--

[walkyrja.livejournal.com]

Well, then - HAVE a well-laid pattern, and still use complete sentences. This is where subtle things like number of syllables per line, or number of lines within stanzas, etc. can come in. OR you can play with rhythm and feet, and still have complete sentences and a speaker.

Consider Shakespeare - Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Yes, yes, the dreaded sonnet form, BUT the point here is firm iambic pentameter in a complete sentence AND with a speaker...

See?

And lemme know if you want more :)

[walkyrja.livejournal.com]

Oh and PS - remember when I say "modern" I tend to mean "20th century." Robert Frost is certainly one of my heroes, but then so are the imagists...